This is the first strength I've had to write in a day or two. My other conditions "reared their ugly heads" in a bigger way than I expected. After Monday night in the telemtry Department for a fairly brief AFib episode-- 6 hours --I came back my familiar floor-- but not for long! Went into another Maha (huge) Afib that lasted 17 hours. They took me to the third floor where there is 24 hour care for "complex" cases. The nurses here are wonderful. As a result of the AFib happening so intensely, I dediced to go on an Antirhymic meditation. They help "some" people, but the toxic side efforts often outweigh the benefits which is why I've kept away from them for so long. But these AFibs really affect the chemo treatment and I had to put that first.
There are two more culprits that have sprung up that the nurses are working on diligently: I can't eat solid food due to my hiatal herna. Food is most needed in order to build my body back up. I'm ending up drinking about two protein drinks a day and try to get down some soft eggs or couscous. Through Peter's intercession, he got the doctors much more coordinated on my case. I'm not consulting regurlarly with a gastreoentertrologt (forgive the spellin) and a cardiologist and hospital social work too.
The last complication is my blood pressure. It's ranging between 85/65 to 92/67 This is causing EXTREME, CAN'T-KEEP-YOUR-EYES-OPEN FATIGUE. I will be gettng a tranfusion of platetes today.
Oh, and one more thing! I noticed that my hair seemed "matted" after a night's sleep. That has never happened. Once I took a brush to it, well, what can I say. The day of the GREAT SHEDDING has begun. I'm already wearning one of my beanie camps.
What to feel about all of this? I bask in the love of my friends and family. Right now philosophy doesn't reach me. Just loving and being as loving in return to all the staff. I am being stripped down, piece by piece so that a new life can begin
You send your love to us everytime you muster your strength and mental might to post your progress, although, I know, the teardown before the build up that you are experiencing never feels like progress.THANK YOU for this update. Sending love to you, my sister.
ReplyDeleteYou are loved my dear Heidi. this is so arduous right now--beyond words--I am sure. Know that we are supporting you and loving you strongly from near and far. I will be there in one hour this morning.
ReplyDeleteMy sweet Heidicita !!! So much for my dear friend to endure!!!
ReplyDeleteI started today the box of good wishes for Heidicita...will start with my mom and my kids today.
PS Working on our red tones....auburn...tuscan red...sangria...venetian red...carmine...will soon shine on you..will keep you posted Pedrito gave more info...
Love
Anaita
Hello Heidi! Thank you for keeping this blog. It is a beautiful and honest. I am so happy you are getting this precious care. I encourage you to drift gently down down down and rest. You have been making such a huge effort your whole life. I pray that during this time in the hospital, you finally give yourself the opportunity to deeply deeply rest and receive comfort, receive safety, receive love, receive healing. No more work, just the deepest of profound healing restorative rejuvenating rest. Much love to you. xoxo Elma
ReplyDeletein the midst of your pain your humor shows through..."the day of the great shedding", you made me laugh, made me cry...I'm with you Heidi...hang in there...Love and caring from Jory
ReplyDeleteechoing what Jory said - love, sympathy, and strength! My favorite line was "I'm already wearning one of my beanie camps." Good that spelling isn't you first concern, just getting the words out there so we know when you need an extra dose of Metta - and it has some humorous effect as well. I also imagined you with one of those old fashioned propeller beanies.
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