Dear Friends and Family,

Sorry for the lack of communication yesterday, I should have remembered how the effects of chemo are usually felt on the second day after treatment.  Yesterday, Monday, was a day of constant nauseau and extreme fatigue, brightened by a fun new male Vietnamese nurse named Vu who would banter with me, a visit with Peter's Sister who brought a beautiful scarf to cover my now 99% bald head.  The fun part of this is that I have no limits around how I can create myself.  My natural bohemian-bent is coming to the fore at the moment.  But who knows?  I may buy myself a platinum blonde wig.  The skies the limit!

Than Peter made his nightly visit to tuck me in.

Yesterday brought me into some deeper places of volunerability.  It took all my effort to turn the tide from discouragement and an existential type of loneliness.  I know in the healing progress that these types of moments will come up, sooner or later, and that they too need to be welcomed, not resisted.  It helped to let them be for awhile so I could discover and feel their presence and just what they were communicating.  More than anything I want to learn from this experience.  I found myself accepting my human side, let some tears flow and spent much of the day turning these feelings over to the Divine.  This eventually brought a feeling of release.

This is my 3rd week in this little hospital room (was moved twice because of my heart), but all the rooms are pretty similar.  The "Doer" side of me which has been ferociously strong all my life, now must turn all its passion, imagination, prana, will into simply Healing and being.  As more time goes by, I'm finding little threads of myself that had gotten lost in the shuffle of life. 

I will hear about my blood counts soon.  Feel like I'm on the home stretch now.  Just have to get through this week and by Sat. the chemo is done and I'll be going into other forms of treatment (which will include other forms of chemo, some oral).

I love you all.

Heidi