Greetings on this day before Christmas!

Woke up as the first glint of sun entered my room....a welcome warm glow after days of grey.  Felt energized (!) so straightened up my room, got my little "Christmas corner" organized -- a small tree, few packages, and goodies that I WILL relish on Christmas day!  Enough of this neutropenic diet I've been on! (a diet they put you on in the hosp. when your white blood count is very low that excludes fresh fruit and vegetables).  I can feel my restlessness beginning to stir after 6-7 weeks of laying in bed, eating hospital food (for the most part) and being "confined" to an environment and situation that gives me very little breadth or control over my activities.

I look out the window and dream about all the Christmas festivities taking place...the brightly colored shops and homes.  The Christmas songs and jingles we've all grown so used to we almost take them for granted.  I would love to smell that wonderful pine scent of a fresh Chrismas wreath...and I find a fair amount of satisfaction in my forays into imagination and memories....

The hospital Chaplain came in yesterday quite  by surprise.  Once we got through his formal "speil" we began to see we both love the mystical side of life.  I loved it when he set aside his Bible and just began talking with me from his heart, sharing his secret desire to have been a monk instead of following the householder life, how (we have both) struggled with surrender...REAL surrender.  It was wonderful finding a place of mutuality with this chaplain who follows a very different path than my own... We talked about finding a greater intimacy with the Divine and then, before leaving, he prayed for me with such sincere words that tears ran down my cheeks.  It was touching.

For some mysterious reason, my white blood count hovers at about 1.6  The normal range is between 4-11 I believe.  The doctors are puzzled and I am too.  Every day I visualize those white blood cells increasing, becoming fat and happy with the Divine Light!  When you send a loving thought or prayer my way, please join me in stimulating these wonderful cells into reproductive action! 

The doctors have been waiting for these cells to increase before beginning the next phase of chemo, but decided yesterday to start anyway.  They don't wish to delay it any further.  So I'm going to take a trip into Chemo-ville again.  It's not the most pleasant place, to be sure, but it does help me focus on bringing in the Light, surrendering to the Good, and to know that I'll be one step closer to finishing the treatment for Leukemia.

The nurse just came in to begin the Chemo treatment.  Wish me luck!