Hi sweet ones, Today is day #11, and another chemo day. Also, my two brothers leave today to go back to their own families. It is bitter sweet for me for we have been scattered across the country for so long and unable to spend quality time together like this is in so many years. They are eager, conscientious, funny, caring and completely there for me. We will go back to keeping in touch by phone and skype.
These last few days have been different. The pain is more intense (One of the oncologist told me "Heidi, the greater the pain, the more the chemo is working, which is a very good thing.") We had a bit of a scare last night when my temperature was over 100. Right now I have absolutely zilche ability to fight off infection and it can grow very rapidly in my body with nothing to keep it in check except the antibiotics, etc.. It's extremely serious. I have yet to meet with the doctor this morning, but after a good sleep, the nurse came in this morning and I was 98.6. Still feel achy like the flu, but (fingers crossed) I was able to somehow miraculously throw off a brewing infection in the night -- due to lots of light being sent my way. I'll know more about this when the doctor comes to visit soon.
These last few days things have definitely shifted for me. The longer I'm here and not feeling well, the harder I have to work at keeping positive. We have no idea if the treatment is working (at this stage it's too early to tell), and won't until the 4th week and the next (drum roll.......) bone marrow biopsy. That SHOULD show I'm in remission and a very deep cause for celebration!
I spoke with a good healer/friend yesterday and he told me his take on Leukemia: "It is a disease of sadness, as is AIDS." Regardless of how I feel about that at the moment, I do know enough about the body/mind to know that any disease in the pervasive, life-giving blood must have some deep significance. Lots to reflect on.
Today I'm excited about doing some sketching, listening to some wonderful inspirational material my sweet boyfriend, Peter brought, and keeping the sacred domain of my consciousness lit up like a newborn sun in the early morning. One of the most beautiful images for me has been how the early morning sun reflects on tiny dew drops...if you get really close you can see an opalescent universe, resplendent with mystery and profound beauty....
Love to you, Heidi
Good Morning Sweetie! I am so glad your temp is back to normal....the guided imagery finally arrived and I will bring it in to you this morning....see you soon.
ReplyDeleteWhoa - you've got some challenges alright. Thanks for keeping us in the loop of highs AND lows - sometimes just sharing that tougher stuff helps. BTW, would you like some DVD's? I have a bunch - comedies, some inspirational struggles, and other miscellaneous stuff. I have a pile on my desk ready to mail to you but I don't want to overburden you with them either. I've heard of the Norman Cousins (sp?) who fought cancer by watching comedies - and it worked! Worth a try, huh?
ReplyDeleteHeidi!
ReplyDeleteI am finally getting your recent blogs.(Windows Live arbitrarily decided to sort them into spam) So good to hear how you are faring.That you have such gratitude and connection with Kevin and Greg,that you have thrown off the infection, been moved to more attentive care, was encouraged by a productive meeting of minds with your doctor, that you are working hard to stay positive, that you you are able to be uplifted and inspired by the rising sun reflected in tiny dew drops,that you plan a day with music and sketching, that you are surrounded by loving, caring friends and family and that Peter is your loving guardian angel! (I LOVE his poetry and loving "comments.") He inpires me to send you Hafiz this morning.
Know
The true nature of your beloved.
In His eyes your every thought,
Word and movement is always...
BEAUTIFUL.