Memory Lane

Peter and I made a visit to Two West at Kaiser Hospital yesterday.  That's the Oncology wing I spent so many days, weeks and months on.  In all the time I was there, I had never experienced it so quiet...almost deserted.  Yes, it was a holiday (4th of July), but I had spent so many of this past years major holidays in those rooms and they were brimming over with patients, nurses and staff bustling around the floor with tasks too numerous to relay.  There was an emptiness yesterday, and I was glad to see that, at least for now, the list of inpatient cancer patients at good old Zion (Kaiser) is shorter.  It seems only a few rooms were occupied.  When I was there, there was often a waiting list to get a room on that floor.

There was one room I spent more time in than others....or at least my memories of that room were stronger.  The door was wide open as we walked by and I noticed a lovely picture, looking like two hearts, was pinned to the poster board on the wall.  It was almost as if the door had been left open to the room just for me.  It was inviting.  Pleasant.  No one was around.  Peter and I walked closer to the picture, intrigued by it, and somehow I knew it had something to do with Yogananda.  Turns out it was a page from Yogananda's (the founder of SRF where I spent 30 years of my life) calendar with one of his quotes about love.  "Love rules the Universe" it said (or something to that effect).  For those of you who know my connection with Yogananda you will understand how incredibly touching and sychronicitous it was for me to find this simple quote hanging on a wall at Kaiser 2 1/2 months after I was discharged.  There are so many poets, writers, teachers throughout our planet's rich history.  Of all people to have been quoted in this simple message of love hanging on the wall.... 

It's life's profound messages in the littlest things that mean so very much.  Somehow Love was present in that room, in the hospital, in the chemo, in this strange, difficult and life-changing journey I've been on. 

I put my head down on the bed, overcome by the moment.

Good news came from my oncologist that he is extending my Disability for another year.  It was to end in November.  This gives me much more time to focus on healing...

Two Months to the Day Since my Last Update -- Happy 4th of July weekend!

My dear Friends and Family,

It has been exactly two months to the day since I last updated all of you.  So much has happened -- I've moved to a beautiful new place, very close to where I had been living (just a few houses down).  My old place of the last few years served me well but had no sunlight or any view whatsoever.  The gift of this new place is that it came up for rent the weekend I came home from the hospital and I was approved within days, given the key a full month before rent was due and could spend a MONTH moving in!  It was gruelling, to be sure, but now that I am in it, I am incredibly happy.   From my bed I can see the ocean very clearly, as well as the mountains to the East.  Panoramic views.  Bright flowers.  Breezes.  Quiet.  3 bedrooms/2 baths for traveling friends and family.  I am smitten with it and so very grateful to be comfortably settled.  I have two beautiful trees in the backyard and am way up on a hill.  It really feels like a mountain cabin.  Please come visit me here whenever you are in the area!

So much news to share....

• I'm still in remission.  My last bone marrow biopsy was about a month ago and came back clean.  Yeah!
• Outpatient treatment continues and has been a bit harder than I thought it would be.  I've still needed blood transfusions at times and have had days of weakness rivaling my days in the hospital at times.  But am much more active.
• Have begun in earnest an organic diet with great supplements that have been proven quite effective for the immune system and work well with standard chemotherapy.
• Have joined a couple of cancer support groups that have brought me back into community.  Feels very good.
• I couldn't get the MRD test (referenced in my last updates) as it turned out to be too expensive.  However, I spoke with a genetic scientist who is familiar with my case and has supervised my bone marrow biopsies. He's also a professor at UCLA and an MD specializing in Leukemia. Very credible. He gave me a F.I.S.H. test which showed no chromosomal or genetic abnormalities which are quite common in ALL.  This is fantastic news.  I was smiling for days after my 30 min. conversation with him.  He said that this gives me a very good chance of being in the 39% who achieve a complete cure from ALL, but also cautiously added not to hang my hat on his words.  They always have to say that, I guess.  In my heart, I know I am blessed with healing. 
• Peter and I went on our first trip last weekend since my diagnosis in mid-November.  Portland, OR...one of our favorite places.  We saw my 93 year old step father, who doesn't feel long for this world, and attended the graduation of my dear friend Bonnie Skakel, who is now a Naturopathic doctor, doctor of Chinese medicine and Acupunturist after 6 years of study.  It was a beautiful, beautiful day.  I also met Peter's son and his son's wife for the first time.  They are lovely people.

The trip fulfilled a deep need in me to travel and explore.  Portland and the surrounding area is lush with Nature spirits, gorgeous views, deep moist vegetation, great food....on and on.  On returning, however, I realized I had stretched past my physical limits and it took the better part of the week to regain my balance and strength.  But it was worth it!

For the first time since learning about the Leukemia I am feeling an inner shift.  I am opening in news ways the the possibilities and opportunities that are here for me creativity.  My hair is growing back (I'll be posting some recent pictures taken in Portland), I still feel that I'm resting in the lap of the Universe, that I'm profoundly taken care of, and my gratitude abounds.

Please feel free to call me or write.  I love hearing from you!  Stay tuned to find out when I'll be having a gathering at my new place sometime this summer!

Heart's Love,

Heidi
P.S.  Peter and I at Multnomah Falls.....