Hi Everyone!
Today is a glorious day in Southern California. Warm sun, cool breeze...the leaves are glistening with the sunlight. I have just completed my first week at home after nearly two months in the hosp. My nausea is FINALLY abating (though not totally gone), my pain levels are manageable now without pain medication and I am absolutely loving the freedom of my own rhythms. I just cooked some organic kale for lunch, along with other yummy food, and ate it outside on my front porch in the sun.
I'm not sure if I mentioned it in my latest update, but this week I've needed to learn how to give myself a shot of heprin in the stomach! I have known others who have had to do this and my own mother injected herself with insulin due to diabetes. I used to wonder how they mustered the courage to plunge the needle into one's one tummy. It's just one more thing that one has to step up to, and it's a great exercise in detachment. I keep telling myself that pain, like a bee sting, is over fairly quickly. I won't go into any more detail (for those who are squeamish), but am finding my way through this latest stage in my treatment.
The Doc said I don't have to go back into the hospital for another 10 days!! I have a week from this coming Monday to rest, read, take short walks as my energy allows, and my favorite -- visit with friends who come by. There are still moments throughout the day, especially when I wake up in the morning, when I realize there is no escaping the reality of leukemia. However, I am grateful for the blessed respite I get during sleep and dreams and many moments of meditation, love and laughter. And it is not the whole reality of my being...
The statistics for ALL (Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia) for adults show that many people (about 60 percent) have a recurrence at some point in the future. I have such a deep confidence that I will be in the 40 percent of those who live out their days leukemia free.
Peter and I are planning a brief get away next weekend, before going back for another 3 weeks or so of chemo. I long for the healing energy of the high desert, to feel the windswept breeze of mountains and meadows, and to breathe in fresh, crisp air. Am not yet up to much traveling, so we are planning the trip carefully with no rush or stress. I have needed a trip like this, however short, to boost my morale and spirits. We will come back Monday morning and he will take me straight into the hospital for another lumbar puncture and extensive chemo into the spine and brain (even though my spinal fluid showed no sign of cancer, they still need/want to make sure nothing is "lurking" there). This particular treatment is so toxic that they have to administer an "antidote" the following day to avoid kidney failure! I have this treatment three weeks in a row.
My art has been beckoning me and I know I need to return to it soon. Allowing my heart and spirit to express through this medium feels like a lifeline to me now. I may take some supplies with me into the hosp. if I can.
Thank all of you again for your love, prayers and encouragement.
Heidi
>> I have such a deep confidence that I will be in the 40 percent of those who live out their days leukemia free. <<
ReplyDeleteso let it be written, so let it be done !!
and have a fabulous jaunt out in .... the WORLD !! ♥
Hello Beautiful, great news you have 10 days out of the hospital, a blessing for sure. So happy the angels sent you good weather to warm you in the sun and allow you stay outside and take deep breaths!
ReplyDeleteSending you lots of love! Allee
Dear Heidi,
ReplyDeleteAfter spending this last year fighting cancer, too, I went to lunch today with two supportive friends. One of them told me about your situation, valiant fight, and inspirational blog.
Please know you have a silent friend here who has much empathy for your situation, having gone through similar side-effects. I feel for you, but can also attest to the magnanimity of God's Light and Love.
I read a couple of weeks ago that only 28% of people with my type of cancer survived. Then, I remembered how Guruji said, "25% is the devotee's effort, 25% is the Guru's grace, and 50% is the grace of God." I just smiled quietly inside, knowing that THEY took the 75% percent (and probably much more).
I hope your statistics are equally rewarding. I just passed my 8-week post 4th surgical anniversary, and don't think I will need to go through another 5th surgery for this cancer. One quote that really helped me get through this past year was, "Soon it will be over. Soon it will be behind you."
I hope you are able to enjoy your "holiday" and that you have a wonderful outing, dear Soul. You deserve it for your valiant struggle. May complete victory be yours.
Remembering you in my little prayers, and visualizing you healthy and whole,
Sharifah Rosso
PS: Every morning during my chemo therapy and radiation sessions (from April through September) I took a tea. I made it from the whole plant powder of Bhringaraja, an Ayurvedic herb that I purchased from letsallbehealthy.com. I just took a teaspoon of it, put it in a 2-cup pot, added about 8 ounces of water, and boiled it. After pouring it into a cup, I let it naturally cool down, and drank it warm on an empty stomach every morning. (The water I used was KANGEN filtered water.)
I also took a "LIVER FORMULA" pill (which also had some Bhringaraja in it) that I purchased from BanyanBotanicals.com, and took it after I ate a larger meal . Although I was told that I would lose all of my hair (and even had it cut real short as advised in preparation for the hair loss), I never did lose it - because of these herbal supplements. It thinned a little, but I never lost it completely as most of the other patients in the Cedars Sinai Infusion Center did. Thought you might like to know about the herbs that saved my hair.
SH.
Dear Heidi,
ReplyDeleteI am deeply touched by your blog entries and have been praying for you. Would love to visit you if I make it down that way. Please do some art in the hospital if you can -- sounds like a great idea. Hope to see you soon.
Much love to you,
Julie
Dear Heidinski--I am so looking forward to our adventure in the highlands of north central Arizona....You be-wigged and beguilingly belovely and me phat and happee as a bumbling bee on a nectar overflowing flower....
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing the ups and downs and the ouches of treatment and self-care. May your time in the desert be as high and dry you'll be after your next round of chemo. I have a deep and abiding faith that your confidence- your sense of a cancer-free destiny, will in fact carry you through. I have much to learn from your example - in living the life of everyday challenge and taken-for-granted comforts. Love from all the Kahns! Tillie says DADABABAFRBBBBB!
ReplyDelete