Spinal Tap Results

Dear Friends and Family, 

The good news and the.... "other"....news...

I knew this spinal tap would be lifechanging, and it surely was.  Peter and I were driving home from the Nucca appointment....to his house (for the first time in 3 months) when the phone rang.  It was Dr. Polikoff with the results.  It hadn't even taken 24 hours to get the FULL results back.  I'm very sensitive to the unspoken and to energy, and within a milisecond, I could tell it wasn't going to be what I had hoped to hear.  "There are Leukemia cells in your spinal fluid."  I took the news calmly.  Actually, I think I was numb after hearing that for about an hour.  And then the understandable emotional response came, once Peter and I got to his house.  "Is this my time to go?"  "Was I given only an extension to me life?"   "Have I completed my lessons here on earth.?"  "Why did I get a clear reading so many times with the cold energy treatment if the cancer was not completely eradicated?"

Before progressing any further, I want to share with you the GOOD news.  The last spinal tap I had was exactly two months ago on July 13.  My White Blood Count in the spinal fluid was a whopping 7200 at that time (it should be zero).  On September 13 it was a mere 208.  That is why I've been feeling so much better.  Dr. Polikoff feels that the remaining cells left have attached themselves to my 7th cranial nerve which affects the face.  The blessing of this is that it signaled me big time that something wasn't right.  So it got me starting the chemo immediately yesterday (I have to take drastic measures now to take care of this because if the nerve gets further damaged it could be permanent and could compromise me even further in terms of ability to see at all, hear, taste, eat.  I cannot take that chance).

Dr. Polikoff said that I am very responsive to Methotrexate, which he injected into my spine yesterday -- yes, another bout of pain, but pain with a big purpose, so I accepted it gratefully.  I got back on a powerful steroid  that crosses the body/brain barrier better than Prednisone and has a very quick effect in pushing the cancer back.  I'm already feeling better this morning and can speak better -- and not even 24 hours have gone by.

Peter and I think -- at least it makes a kind of logical sense to us -- that because there seems to be so little cancer left,  the chemo should eradicate it quickly.  Dr. P said I'm very responsive to this particular chemo.  My plan is to do the chemo into my spinal fluid until it shows nothing is there anymore, and then switch to the cold energy as a maintenance therapy....and do a few more things.  Possibly the Optimal Health Institute which brings the body into complete alkalinity.  Cancer cannot survive in an Alkaline system....or so they say, but it's worth a try, I think.

I have my warrior hat firmly in place....  I am positive and hopeful, even in the face of this news.  I know all that is happening now is unfolding according to a divine plan.  There is a mystery at work, and I need to set aside my mind so I can hear the voice and promptings of Spirit.

In closing I just want to add that a thought occurred to me in the night last night.  It has to do with how often the dual mind polarizes pretty much everything into categories of good/bad, light/dark, human/divine.  I have always been intrigued and inspired by these two words:  "reconciling opposites."  What if life is bigger than the categories we conjure up mentally to make sense of things.  What if it's not about chemo being "bad" and cold energy healing treatments "good"?  I understand from the healers that they cancel each other out if done at the same time.  OK.  That may be true.  But I would like to think that a combination in some form, as this journey unfolds, is also in the divine plan.

And one other thought (blame it on the steriod that this email is so long!  I get quite amped on it!)   I wanted to end with this poetic thought: 

 

Isn't it astonishing that the stars up
   above only show themselves in
the Darkness of Night?

 

 

 

With love, grace and gratitude,

 

Heidi