Hi all,I get discharged today! Catheter placed perfectectly according to the surgeon. All is set for chemo to begin this Monday morning with the experimental, but promising, Rituxan, in conjunction with another chemo drug called Cytarabine, which I was on in the early days. Mederi Clinic, Dr. Gwen Stritter, and the new Tibetan doctor, Dr. Dhoundup are all lined up and behind my new plan. I will get two treatments of this "chemo cocktail" for eight weeks. Then down to once a week indefintely. Am not sure yet how this all will play out yet.
I love the positivity of this statement re RITUXAN, taken from a study out of MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston:
Given the prolonged Central Nervous System remission status after the
administration of rituximab, it is reasonable to assume that
sustained CNS relapse-free status is due, at least in part, to its
therapeutic effect.
Remarkably, rituximab administration was well tolerated in
our heavily-treated study group, with no clinical evidence of
neurotoxicity after a 24-month follow-up period.
Thanks to Dr. Stritter for finding this treatment for me through her research!
As soon as the Leukemia cells are under control again, I will resume my supplemental treatments that boost the immune system, working with Dr. Bricca, Dr. Dhoudup, with occasional cold energy, copper chelation, to induce anti-angiogenesis, as before. I feel a flow with this direction. The fight continues and all my resources seem to be falling into place rather effortlessly..... Hmmm.....let me just add that it takes tremendous effort to pull all of this together, go to appointments, eat well, etc. etc. It is a full time job! Peter and I are at it every day these days.
Eight weeks of two chemos a week! Rituxan is an antibody, however, and while it does have side effects, they will be able to give me lower doses of everything because of the ommaya. That should help. Nothing like methotrexate I hear. Fingers crossed. Alot of trips to the chemolab in San Marcos coming up in the near future!
And in the midst of this, I have a fairly large art show coming up the weekend of February 9-11, which I'm really looking forward to. Am just finishing up a painting of the White Tara, which I'll post here soon.
Stars, Heaven, Hearth:
Speaking of my new painting, there is something stirring in me these days. You've seen those beautiful globes that you turn upside down and glitter comes raining down? They are usually Christmas scenes, and the glitter simulates snow. I'm using lots of sparkling material these days in my paintings and it is reminscent of those early childhood experiences when I was just 5 or 6 years old and saw colors not of this world, literally. There are no words to describe the colors, so unusual. The hues and tones; "opalescent" is the closest word that comes.
This stirring reminded me the other morning how there are parts of us, deep core parts, that are our "essence" and that follow us along in life no matter what happens....like a wispy trail that speaks to us, moves us deeply, and provides a "vision" of greater things. It might be the early morning sunlight on a spider web. It might be a mysterious fog bank hovering low in the valley on a crisp Autumn day. The stars in a dark moonless winter sky. The hush of silence. A spacious windswept breeze over sand dunes. They never really leave us, despite the times of feeling forsaken, empty, depressed or sad. Or if they do, for a time, they tuck themselves behind our conscious mind to spring out again at just the right moment when everything seems lost. I had one of these moments the other morning, the day of my surgery in fact -- yesterday!
Why, oh why, would I have to go do this surgery again? I asked myself. Then, all of a sudden, I saw that "twinkle" again in my painting, and I reflected in the early morning hours that disease, hardship, suffering, whatever, can never take those parts away from us. They are our special "bonding" with the Light, with the divinity within, with this inexplicable oneness we experience now and then in the synchronicities of life.
There was a peace that came. This "essence" is more who I am than anything else, even when stuck in darkness for a time. I can still go back to those early childhood memories, feelings, attunements with something Vaster. How remarkable and mystical it all is! Then I'll get caught up in the rough and tumble of life again and seem to lose my footing. But it's all there, tucked in that special God-given place, that sacred void or emptiness that is Fullness itself!
So I move onward into these inner stars, and I rest in the arms of home and hearth of loved ones who keep me warm and help give me strength. There will be a light at the end of the chemo-tunnel.,. someday. It's been a terribly long road. Sometimes I simply can't believe all that has happened and how much life has changed.
As soon as the Leukemia cells are under control again, I will resume my supplemental treatments that boost the immune system, working with Dr. Bricca, Dr. Dhoudup, with occasional cold energy, copper chelation, to induce anti-angiogenesis, as before. I feel a flow with this direction. The fight continues and all my resources seem to be falling into place rather effortlessly..... Hmmm.....let me just add that it takes tremendous effort to pull all of this together, go to appointments, eat well, etc. etc. It is a full time job! Peter and I are at it every day these days.
Eight weeks of two chemos a week! Rituxan is an antibody, however, and while it does have side effects, they will be able to give me lower doses of everything because of the ommaya. That should help. Nothing like methotrexate I hear. Fingers crossed. Alot of trips to the chemolab in San Marcos coming up in the near future!
And in the midst of this, I have a fairly large art show coming up the weekend of February 9-11, which I'm really looking forward to. Am just finishing up a painting of the White Tara, which I'll post here soon.
Stars, Heaven, Hearth:
Speaking of my new painting, there is something stirring in me these days. You've seen those beautiful globes that you turn upside down and glitter comes raining down? They are usually Christmas scenes, and the glitter simulates snow. I'm using lots of sparkling material these days in my paintings and it is reminscent of those early childhood experiences when I was just 5 or 6 years old and saw colors not of this world, literally. There are no words to describe the colors, so unusual. The hues and tones; "opalescent" is the closest word that comes.
This stirring reminded me the other morning how there are parts of us, deep core parts, that are our "essence" and that follow us along in life no matter what happens....like a wispy trail that speaks to us, moves us deeply, and provides a "vision" of greater things. It might be the early morning sunlight on a spider web. It might be a mysterious fog bank hovering low in the valley on a crisp Autumn day. The stars in a dark moonless winter sky. The hush of silence. A spacious windswept breeze over sand dunes. They never really leave us, despite the times of feeling forsaken, empty, depressed or sad. Or if they do, for a time, they tuck themselves behind our conscious mind to spring out again at just the right moment when everything seems lost. I had one of these moments the other morning, the day of my surgery in fact -- yesterday!
Why, oh why, would I have to go do this surgery again? I asked myself. Then, all of a sudden, I saw that "twinkle" again in my painting, and I reflected in the early morning hours that disease, hardship, suffering, whatever, can never take those parts away from us. They are our special "bonding" with the Light, with the divinity within, with this inexplicable oneness we experience now and then in the synchronicities of life.
There was a peace that came. This "essence" is more who I am than anything else, even when stuck in darkness for a time. I can still go back to those early childhood memories, feelings, attunements with something Vaster. How remarkable and mystical it all is! Then I'll get caught up in the rough and tumble of life again and seem to lose my footing. But it's all there, tucked in that special God-given place, that sacred void or emptiness that is Fullness itself!
So I move onward into these inner stars, and I rest in the arms of home and hearth of loved ones who keep me warm and help give me strength. There will be a light at the end of the chemo-tunnel.,. someday. It's been a terribly long road. Sometimes I simply can't believe all that has happened and how much life has changed.
With love to you all,
Heidi
Darling Heidi, you are a true inspiration. There is so much light around you and coming from you, thank you for such raw, authentic Truth!
ReplyDeleteI can hardly wait to see your new sparkly painting!
Sending sparkly love your way!!!