Dear friends and family,
It's April 4th, a day after a wonderful birthday weekend, full of laughter, loving, delicious food (had my appetite back in full force!), and gorgeous spring-like weather. Today I was re-admitted to my "home away from home" these past 5 months -- the hospital -- for my 5th 3+ week chemo treatment.
It was a difficult drive here this morning as I tried to muster up my warrior spirit yet again, and to open to and not resist the experiences that await me. Memories of my previous visits came rushing into mental view, with the associated feelings and reflections. For some curious reason, I felt more anxious coming this time. As I sit here in these very familiar surroundings, I am affirming that the hospital, nurses, doctors and chemo are my allies, intended to heal and support me. I have a deep conviction that this is where I need to be. It's one of those inexplicable mysteries that I find myself here....and I reflect often on how destiny and choice intertwine to set us on our life's path, even though we cannot fathom it all on a conscious level.
I'm now on the homestretch.... This will probably be my last full treatment. The next and final treatment will be modified to a degree, and I hope it will be a shorter time in the hospital. My body/mind/spirit had such a hard time with that particular chemo treatment, I don't feel I could tolerate it again in the same dose as before. Today I get another lumbar puncture and Peter will be here to support me through it. I'm receiving chemo 4 days in a row this time (different types) and will remain here til I recuperate -- probably about 3 weeks total.
It's amazing to think ahead just a bit to mid-May and FREEDOM from these 4 walls I've come to know so well. It will feel so liberating to have my life back, and to feel my energy come back. I've spent a good 90% of the last 5 months in bed, and my muscles will need some major workouts to regain their strength. My sense is that this will take a few months, but what a great time I'll have waxing in energy and vigor instead of waning!
Thank you so very much for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers. I feel your love
and support very deeply.....
With gratitude for your friendship,
Heidi
Namasté, Heidi-ji.
ReplyDeleteSo, my timing was good? But in the home-stretch you are, yes.
>> For some curious reason, I felt more anxious coming this time. <<
After the excellent birthday weekend, one is not surprised; such an extreme - from joy to being bed-ridden. But you sound like every bit the warrior and we are all praying that this period will be less taxing on you, physically and energetically.
When all is said and done, I trust that you will grace us with a couple of photos of you running down the beach or hiking in the woods with that marvelous-big smile on your face.
*hugz*
☼ ♥ ☼
Heidi,
ReplyDeleteI'm with you all the way. Sending much love and wishes that your "opponent" in this gives you a kind grapple these weeks. Your spirit is strong! Love you,
Jory