Getting Through the Week....

Hi Everyone,

This week has had its ups and downs...but I'm getting through.  The lumbar pucture was one of those things out of a movie -- took the doc so very long to get the needle in once again.  It felt like about 30 mins of poking.  But I was in a chipper mood that morning, and Peter was here cajoling me and reminding me to relax.  The doctor said later he couldn't have done it if I had been anxious or reactive.  So the methatrexate got into my spine and brain once again and I was glad to have that BEHIND me!

With this one treatment on Tuesday, I had another strange reaction where I became mentally confused.  Dr. Liao told me today that this is one of the major side effects of this chemo.  It's hard to explain how it feels when you cannot piece things together logically that took place just a few hours previously.  I took a nap after lunch and woke up at 4 p.m. utterly convinced I had slept through the night and it was now way into the next day.  I couldn't remember anything that had taken place that morning.  I called my nurse and she helped me recall a few memories of the morning and said that she recalled the last time I was on methatrexate and this was a familiar response to it for me.  I finally remembered Peter that morning and was able to put perspective around what happened, but it took nearly 3 hours to come back to my center. 

The next and last treatment is ONLY methatrexate so I must think long and deeply about it and have a thorough discussion with the oncologist.  Mirabai visited today and was here when Dr. Liao came into the room.  She asked, "Do people die from Methatrexate and without skipping a beat he said "YES."  But there is so much to consider.  With the treatment, if you get through it, that is, studies have shown people have the best chance of a complete cure.  But getting through it is a doozie, believe me.  It seems to take over the neuron pathways, mix them up and gradually over time they begin to sort out.  While you're going through it, there is much darkness.

So I have a few weeks more til I have to make that decision.

It was nice seeing Mirabai after almost six months.  I had not seen her since before my illness.  We had a lot of catching up to do and lots of love was shared.

I've been administered the last chemo for this time -- 3 straight days of it.  I can feel it in my body, saturating the tissues and cells it needs to get.  This particular chemo takes a month to work out of your system.

The doctor asked if I'd like to go home this weekend and recuperate there.  But I opted on staying in the hospital for a while longer so I can see how I feel once chemo really starts to take effect, which is about 7-12 days into the treatment.  They have better medications here to handle the side effects...

Well, that's enough of that!  The San Diego skies are getting ready to rumble again, the wind is picking up and the air cooling down.  It's brisk and beautiful outside, with such lovely colors of flowers lining the freeways and hills.  So much is going on in our home we call Earth right now....As I sit here I try to send light out to all who are in far greater need than I.  As the doctor was leaving today, he said:  "Remember, you are cancer free."  (Referring to my complete remission).  I'm here this time because it is the protocol to repeat the treatment in order to get every last cell that might be left.

Love and Hugs to all of you who are sharing my journey.

Heidi