A Wonderful Art Show and GOOD News!

My dear ones,

I got news on Friday that my white blood count in spinal fluid was a mere two! (down from 1600 about 3 weeks ago) with no signs of cancer cells.  I've been elated ever since.  Truly elated.  Coming a day before doing two art shows -- one at the Quail Gardens in Encinitas and the other at a Yoga studio in Vista....  well, the news couldn't have come at a better time.  For many months now, I've been in and out of the hospital or coping with some pain, "setback," or other tedius situation.   This weekend, the clouds opened up, the sun is shining, flowers are beginning to bloom along the roadside in North County San Diego -- it is a metaphor for stepping back into life again.  Yes, my energy, physically, is extremely low, but my heart energy, my enjoyment, the fun I'm having showing about 30 pieces between the two shows, is without bounds!  It's been a long time coming!

I can't stop smiling. 

I woke up yesterday, the first day for both shows to begin, with my plumbing in the bathroom I use completely overflowing (all over the floor of the bathroom and adjoining bedroom -- I've never seen such a mess!).  It seemed like another metaphor, perhaps, for pent up emotions that finally broke through and just needed to "let loose."  On the phone with 24/7 emergency plumbing at 4 a.m.  Couldn't believe that was happening, in addition to needing to trundle in the wee hours to car, Qual Gardens, and a room frull of wonderfully warm and loving people who would be seeing my art.  Thank goodness, all worked out well, everything was fixed and my dear friend Cynthia, who was helping me, and I were able to leave in time.  It was an absolutely scrumptuous day in every way possible.  I had a little floor cushion I was able to lay down on during the seminar/show and relax, talk to people as able and sell alot of art!  Plus I have another two days for the show.  It is just so good to be stepping out again, albeit with about 1/4 of my normal vigor, but stepping out nonetheless. 

Alot was said during the seminar (more like a retreat-like atmosphere) about dropping "belief systems"  and being in the "Mystery" of life, letting life "be" since we really don't have control anyway for so much that happens to us, though we often think we do!  That has been such a theme all my life as one who has strongly believed in that "make it happen" attitude.  Not that that is a bad thing either.  But then Leukemia comes along and all bets are off.  The moorings are unpinned and the little boat of my life is set adrift in a moonless ocean.  The seeming darkness surrounds my little boat.  Will it reach the shore?  Where am I in this vast sea with the waves whipping up around me?  It feels like a very healthy place, spiritually.  Nothing to look to, be with, except love, kindness, friends, family -- and the present moment.  Ah, surrender to that place of "unknowing"!

Now my goal is to stay in what they refer to as a "deep remission."  The experimental drug, Rituxan, that targets the CD-20 protein on the molecules of people with B-cell Leukemia (the anti-body I'm taking) seems to be working!  I'm hopeful that I can keep this thing at bay while I continue to surge forward in strengthening my immune system and, perhaps against all "traditional" odds, beat this disease!  At some point I will get back into the copper chelation through Mederi.  Am continuing to work wtih Tibetan medicine and the cold energy.  In my opinion, the cancer doesn't have a chance!  Through Grace, I keep beating it back, somehow, in spite of setbacks!

Am up again early after just 4 hours of sleep.....counting my many blessings and grateful for another day.

Love to each of you,

Heidi