The Wind in our Sails......

Hi Everyone....

I feel like we caught a wonderful, cool breeze in the sails of our little boat crossing, what has seemed at times, like a huge ocean without a shore ahead.  I write this as a delicious Fall breeze blows through the window at Peter's house, where I've been since that whole surgery "thing" happened two weeks ago.   We've been up since 5 a.m. talking, sharing, reflecting and getting ready for the Mederi Foundation.  We realized also that we have to deliberately add relaxation, fun, play, nature to the mix, which we'll be doing in Ashland next week (Crater Lake, Mt. Shasta, the Redwoods, good restaurants, etc.)

An answer came back from that Dr. Gwen Stritter (http://strittermed.org/SMC/?page_id=2) and I've decided to hire her.  She seems truly amazing in her research and, with all the choices that I face, would be an indespensible resource for me now.  I wrote her last night about the Mederi Foundation, asking if she had heard of it, and here's her very encouraging response (Donnie Yance is the founder):

 

Yes, I have. Donnie Yance is a "rock star" in the holistic oncology field. If you can get an appointment with him, you'll be in excellent hands!   That's one place I find to be quite intriguing and I hope to visit some day ...

We're honing in on my choices now.  The City of Hope doctor sent an email yesterday, after discussing my case with 10 other oncologists on the staff, saying that there is a high likelihood of the Leukemia returning and a low chance of being cured through the bone marrow transplant, but they nevertheless still recommend it.  Truth be told, I have all but made the final declaration of my decision to the doctors that I do not want to go this route.  I am still in remission and most likely will continue with chemo through October to keep it that way.  We are finding other potential future resources and options.  I have been told by Kaiser that I am VERY responsive to the chemo I'm on now which is good news....but I do long to begin building my body up instead of tearing it down with chemo.  Such a mixed bag, isn't it?  (For example, in the nasty side effects dept. I could hardly walk the last two mornings because of such acute pain in my knees caused by the chemo.)

The MAIN thing lately is that I'm getting my spirit back.  I no longer feel despair or lack of hope -- so important on this journey.  Deep down I still feel I'm meant to be here for some time yet, and I even feel a sense of purpose and service in my personal journey.   These are precious gifts.

Protection, Where I can Find it:

On a humorous (and almost humiliating!) note......   The day after the very sobering meeting with the Bone Marrow Transplant doctor, Peter and I had breakfast in a quaint little "town" nestled in the foothills of Pasadena called Sierra Madre.  We needed something light..... It was wonderful.  I'm having a bit of a last "hooray" with my diet these days as I know I'll be doing a very different diet very soon. I got a hearty stack of banana/pecan pancakes.  I  truly never indulge like this and it was fun.  I loaded up on the syrup and butter.  After feasting, as we nonchalantly strolled through this charming mountainside village, I went into Starbucks to use their restroom.  Several minutes later, I emerged and moved through a flank of bicycle riders who had subtly quizical looks on their faces as I walked by, which I didn't understand at the time....

Just minutes later, crossing the street, a gentleman with his date (sitting at a sidewalk cafe), darted up and towards us in a flash, self consciously, but helpfully, muttering:  "The paper, Sir.  The paper, Sir."  Peter didn't know what the heck he was referring to until the man grabbed something from my rear area and handed it to Peter.  It was several inches of an ivory white "Protecto" toiletseat cover which had been, well, oddly tucked into my pants and floating, like the train of a wedding dress, down Sierra Madre Ave.   Once we got over our initial shock and embarrassment, Peter kept pulling out more of the seat cover (which I thought would never end!).  We staggered, laughing, back to the car. We had gotten our lighthearted reprieve from the day before AND a belly-full of sugar.

I decided to postpone surgery on removing the reservoir, but have definitely decided to remove it.  I am falling into the arms of the Universe and all the magic healing it contains.  When I was just a child I used to have recurring dreams of changing my vibrational frequency and l would levitate, knowing that I was being healed.  It was just a matter of fact. I can still remember how that higher frequency felt and I recall it now, during meditation.   It's like the dream happened just last night.  We have such inner resources available to us.  I'm returning home to some truths I knew very, very early in life. 

Today I get another intrathecal dose of chemo into the spinal fluid AND a bone marrow biopsy, both very painful as you know.  Thanks in advance for your positive thoughts....

We'll be visiting Mt. Shasta next week.  Here's what John Muir said about this beautiful area of the country:  “When I first caught sight of Mount Shasta over the braided folds of the Sacramento Valley, my blood turned to wine, and I have not been weary since.”   — John Muir, 1874

Wow.....

Love to you all.....

Heidi