Hi Everyone,
I made it through the last chemo round fairly well and am now home for a couple of weeks. This time I went back to the hospital fortified with better food (from friends), lots of positive CD's and books and an attitude of yielding (opening) to the experience, rather than bracing up against it. I'm on the home stretch now with just two more rounds to go. It is absolutely the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life.... times 10....but I'm sure the difficulty does some transformational work on the inner plane -- some I can see and feel and some I can't at this moment.
After about 2 weeks in the hospital, the mind feels like checking out and going into whatever will pass the time most quickly. I found myself not listening to the CD's quite as much, not reading as much. It REALLY helps to keep the positive input flowing. Peter is a tremendous supporter of that and reminds me regularly not to slump into the oblivion of chemo-induced blahs...
Yesterday they decided to give me my last dose of chemo in their outpatient department and send me home after that. This is the first time I'll be dealing with the side effects without the 24 hour support of the hospital staff. It's just for this one time. I think they realized that these long stays in the hospital can be pretty dreary, so they are trying an experiment and hope it goes well! (So do I!)
The outpatient clinic at Kaiser was full of love and joy. It suprised Peter and me. They were celebrating a patient who had completed his chemo -- all the doctors and nurses came out, they had refreshments and a little ritual of ringing a gong. The caring among the staff and patients was palpable. It was heartening to witness.
On the food front, I'm still LOVING my pickle and avocado sandwiches. It's strange, but deserts by and large don't tempt me at all. I can eat 3 sandwiches a day and I'm still losing weight. Haven't weighed this little since I was in my early 30's.
I pray for the strength and patience to get through the next two months of inpatient chemo and on to better and better days!
My love to everyone,
Heidi
"pickle and avocado sandwiches"....???
ReplyDeletenow we KNOW you are getting better; your sense of humor hasn't flagged a bit... I mean, c'mon...NO chocolate???
at this rate, maybe we WILL see you at the puja..?..
or not, but that you are in the home-stretch, totally focussed on the completion of this ordeal and integrating the experience into your life is very heartening to your friends.
namasté, Heidi-ji ♥
(btw, thanks for the "plug", if any of those were my CD's...)
It was great seeing you the other day, Heidi. I was surprised and delighted to see you looking so well. What an incredible trooper you are. Sri and I are looking forward to the time when we can get together for a visit.
ReplyDeleteWishing you love, peace, contentment and HEALING. ~ Julie
"There's no place like home.".....but this isn't Kansas anymore,is it? I know that it's an adjustment to be on your own with out a staff to check in on you, and the potential of distractions right around the corner. Today, if you do nothing else, put some paper and art supplies on you dining room table and ask yourself the first question that comes to mind around making art, like."What the fudge am I gonna do with this?" Write the question down. Don't do anything about it today. I love you. Miss you. Watch for my call today. ♥♥♥
ReplyDeleteYeah Heidi, I'm so happy you made it through these weeks in your wonderful style. Love you!
ReplyDeleteJory