Happy Thanksgiving and an Update

Happy Thanksgiving to all my friends and family, and a huge, HUGE, thank you for all the love and support I've received from each of you these past two years.  Thank you for your messages, your smiles, for standing next to me on this arduous journey.  Even if I haven't heard from you, I have felt your presence like invisible arms supporting me.

Thank you to those who have given donations, and for all the ways we've maintained connection.  Connection, to me, is an energy created when people feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship. That I have experienced from you...more than I can ever say.

An update on how things are going for those who are interested:  My last spinal tap came back clear, with no detectable cancer cells.  Hallelujah!   However, during the tap the needle punctured something because I developed leakage of my spinal fluid into the surrounding tissues a few days later.  Also, for the first time since getting these,  I was in excruciating pain for about 7 hours and could barely move!   The symptoms of leakage of the spinal fluid are very much like spinal menigitis, without the high fever:  severe headack (the strongest pain meds, even prescription meds, couldn't alleviate it) and shoulder pain and nausea -- so severe, in fact, that I had to go to the Emergency Room and stay in the hospital for half a day or so.  It was pretty traumatic.  The doctor didn't want to give me the "remedy" for this (an injection  of one's own blood into the spinal fluid known as a "blood patch") because my situation, she said, was "complicated."  So I needed to weather the pain for about 7 days, getting relief mainly from lying down.  Thankfully, the leak healed on its own last Friday and, aside from some pretty strong nausea and fatigue this week, I've been doing relatively well.

The Big Picture is that the Leukemia seems to be in a quiescent state.  I'll be starting the TM protocol from Mederi this next week.  Here's an article from someone at the Linus Pauling Institute in Oregon that explains how powerful this is in the treatment of cancer:  http://lpi.oregonstate.edu/fw08/copper.html    Pretty amazing stuff.  It will take about 4 to 6 months of being on "copper chelation" to get my ceruloplasm levels where they need to be to create anti-angiogenesis and, for this to all take place, the Leukemia cells need to stay quiet.  The TM protocol can, in fact, kill cancer cells...but if there are too many (as in the form of a tumor, which I thankfully don't have), it is not effective in curing all the cancer.  So it is imperative that I maintain this quiescent state.  Toward that end, Mederi wants me to stay on Methotrexate into my spinal column for the next 3 months or so, since the Leukemia is so responsive to it (in a good way).  That prospect is a difficult one for me as my quality of life has been so impacted by the chemo in the last two months.  I've pretty much had it, as they say, and just want to focus on rebuilding my body.  After all, I've been on chemo consistently for two years now.  The prospect of more lumbar punctures is, well, a VERY challenging one, especially after the last one and the spinal fluid leakage!  But this is the path that seems to be laid out before me by life, if I am to have the best chance at curing the Leukemia for good, or at least prolonging my life beyond what chemo can do alone.

That's all on the biological, physical level.  The most important focus for me now is the spiritual level which can also change biology or physical chemistry in various ways through energy, vibration and frequency.  Everything in the Universe is energy -- even cancer!  -- vibrating at different rates.  But we'll leave writing more about this for another update!

I'm reflecting today on all the people who are experiencing Thanksgiving alone, or who have lost their homes or loved ones in the Sandy Hurricane or other disasters. Some of us, I'm sure, have had to spend a holiday alone or have experienced extreme loss. I wish I was physically strong enough during this season to help those less fortunate.  When you go through a life-threatening situation, it sure opens your heart to the plight of others.   Life gives all of us just about as much difficulty as we can withstand.  Honestly, it does feel that at times that it is more  than we can withstand!  But today is a day of GRATITUDE for what is, and what we DO have...    So how do we create and/or seize those moments of joy, happiness, inner peace, in spite of our external journey?   Here's a Rilke poem that brought me deep inspiration this morning.  I hope you will find it inspiring as well on this beautiful Thanksgiving day:

Blessed ones, whole ones,
you where the heart begins
You are the bow that shoots the arrows
and you are the target.

Fear not the pain. Let its weight fall back
into the earth;
for heavy are the mountains, heavy the seas.

The trees you planted in childhood have grown
too heavy. You cannot bring them along.
Give yourselves to the air, to what you cannot hold.

 

 

A blessed Thanksgiving to each of you,

 

 

Heidi